What's a Quarter-Life Crisis

You've heard of the midlife crisis. But have you heard of the quarter-life crisis? It hits millions of young professionals like a brick. Former White House Press Secretary and Fox News host Dana Perino knows exactly what it feels like. She also has some great advice for how to get through it.

Graduates: Even though it’s a long way off, you’ve probably heard about something called
“the mid-life crisis” – men buy Italian sports cars; women go on yoga retreats to Bali.
But I’ll bet you’ve never heard of a crisis you may be facing in a few short years.
I call it “the quarter-life crisis.”
I know a little something about it, because
I went through it.
Oh, boy – did I go through it!
When I was 24, a lot was going my way – at
least, on the surface.
I had great friends.
I had a great job on Capitol Hill.
I even had a great apartment.
So, why didn’t I feel great about my life?
I was working as a press secretary for a congressman.
I should have been happy about that.
But instead, I just felt…trapped – anxious
and uncertain about my future.
Where was I going?
What was my next move?
On the personal side, things weren’t much better.
I hadn’t had a boyfriend in years, and there were no prospects on the horizon.
Marriage seemed like an impossible dream.
I loved my friends, but I still felt lonely.
Right before my twenty-fifth birthday, I took
a personal inventory (I love lists). 
It felt like
I was falling short… almost everywhere.
I missed my college days, which seemed, in retrospect, so carefree.
The future just looked boring and hard.
That is what you call a quarter-life crisis.
And I’d like to help you avoid it.
To that end, I bring you three pieces of advice.
One: Get out of town.
Feeling trapped?
One of the best ways to set yourself free is to move – literally.
After years of structure – high school, college, right into a career –
I longed to be free.
I wanted to be able to leave town at a moment’s notice.
So I stopped accumulating stuff.
I only had one cup, one glass, one plate, one bowl, and one set of silverware.
It was one of the best things I did for myself.
It allowed me to be nimble in my life and my career.
Assuming for a moment you’re not married
(if you are, congratulations!),
you’re pretty much accountable to no one.
That will change.
Take advantage of your mobility while you
have it.
Go where the opportunities are.
But more than that, just go!
That might mean going somewhere for a better job, or it might mean traveling whenever you get the chance.
It’s a big country and a big world.
There’s no reason to be stuck in one place,
especially if that one place
isn’t working for you.
Two: You’re not going to become a ballerina at 25.
You’re still young, but you’re not as young as you used to be.
You don’t have unlimited potential anymore.
The last time you had unlimited potential, you were nine.
At this point, you’re pretty well formed
– what you’re good at, what you’re really bad at, what you like and don’t like.
I’m not saying you can’t change, that you can’t grow.
Of course, you can – and must; but you are
who you are, and you need to figure out who that is.
To put it another way, what is it that you want out of your life?
You need to make a realistic assessment of your strengths and weaknesses.
Again, lists.
This will help you take the next step in the process: setting a goal.
Okay, ballerina – not practical.
What is?
Be honest.
Figure it out.
Write it down.
Then, as one of my mentors told me before my first White House press conference,
 “Put your big girl panties on, and deal with it.”
Which leads to my final piece of advice: Meet the universe halfway.
No one is going to hand you the life you want.
You’re going to have to go out and get it.
But there’s a twist.
You don’t really know where your life is going to take you.
You almost certainly won’t end up where you plan to be.
But that’s okay because when you set goals and work toward them, positive things happen.
You gain skills.
And those skills will create opportunities
that never would’ve existed if you weren’t working toward something.
Life will happen along the way; things will change in ways you can’t possibly predict,
but nothing happens if you’re sitting on a couch waiting for your life to begin.
I have a lot of other advice that will help you – like, don’t skip the dentist.
But when it comes to surviving the quarter-life crisis, I think this will help.
Now, if anyone has any advice for my upcoming midlife crisis, let me know.

Source -  Dana Perino
 

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How to Get Your Child to Listen to You

Why is it so hard for so many parents and teachers to get kids to do as they are told? Because too many adults have followed some very bad advice. Family psychologist John Rosemond offers some useful tips on how to get the little barbarians to listen.

When was the last time you heard a child referred
to as obedient?

It’s probably been a while.
That’s too bad because the best research
tells us that obedient children are happy children.
And, from my experience as a family psychologist,
the parents of obedient children are happy parents.
Since all parents want their children to be
happy, the question becomes:

How does one get a child to obey?

Is there some trick to it?
Well, there are certainly are a lot of parents
who think so.
They believe that proper discipline is a matter
of using the right methods, techniques,
and strategies: what I call consequence delivery
systems.
Parents have been using these behavior-modification-based methods
since they became popular in the 1960s – seemingly to no avail.
Would anyone argue that today’s kids are
more obedient than kids were several generations ago?
I don’t think so.
The reason these methods and techniques don’t
work is that proper discipline is not a matter
of proper methods.
It’s a matter of a proper attitude on the
part of the parent.
Let me illustrate the point.
Let’s say that for a week I observe the
classroom of a grade school teacher who has
the reputation of being the best disciplinarian
in her district.
She consistently has fewer behavior problems
than any of her colleagues.
What is she doing?
She’s making her expectations perfectly
clear.
Which means, first, she communicates in simple,
declarative sentences.
She doesn’t use fifty words when she could
use ten.
The more words you use to communicate your
expectations, the less confident you sound.
Second, she prefaces her instructions to her
students with authoritative phrases like
 “I want you to…” and “It’s time for you
to…”
She says, “It’s time for you to take out
your math books and turn to page 25”
as opposed to “Let’s take out our math books
and turn to page 25. Okay?”
Third, this teacher does not explain the motives
behind her instructions to her students.
Why?
Because she knows that explanations invite
arguments.
Whenever parents tell me they’re dealing
with an argumentative child I know that these
well-intentioned people are explaining themselves.
They tell their child why they want him to
pick up his toys, for example.
And he argues, because you can always pick
apart an explanation.
If you don’t explain yourself when you give
an instruction to a child, then the child,
being a child, is almost surely going to ask
for one.

He’s going to ask Why? or Why not?
At which point… get ready for a big surprise…
your answer should be “Because I said so.”
These very useful four words – and no, they
will not cause psychological damage to your kids;
quite the contrary -- are a simple,
but powerful affirmation of the legitimacy
of your authority.
Say it calmly.
Don’t scream it.
Nothing good is ever accomplished by a person
who screams.
Last, but certainly not least, when giving
instructions to a child, do not… let me repeat…
do not bend down to the child’s
level.
Getting a child to do what he or she is told
is a matter of looking and acting and talking
like you have complete confidence in your
authority.
Bending down to a child’s level does not
look authoritative.
It looks, in fact, like you’re one movement
away from being down on your knees in front of a king.
I know, you’ve read somewhere that you should
get down to a child’s level when you talk to him.
Well, all I can tell you is that there’s
a lot of really bad parenting advice out there.
And that’s but one example.
Speak to children from an upright position.
That causes them to look up to you.
And that is a good thing: for them and for
you both.

Source - John Rosemond, author and family psychologist.

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Why You Shouldn't Follow Your Passion

Should you follow your passion, wherever it may take you? Should you do only what you love...or learn to love what you do? How can you identify which path to take? How about which paths to avoid?

There are only two things I can tell you today
that come with absolutely no agenda.

The first is “Congratulations.” The second is “Good
luck.” Everything else is what I like to call,
“The Dirty Truth,” which is just
another way of saying, “It’s my opinion.”
And in my opinion, you have all been given
some terrible advice and that advice is this:

Follow your passion.

Every time I watch the Oscars, I cringe when
some famous movie star—trophy in hand—starts to
deconstruct the secret of their success.
It’s always the same thing:
“Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have what
it takes, kid!”; and the ever popular,
“Never give up on your dreams!”

Look, I understand the importance of persistence,
and the value of encouragement, but who tells
a stranger to never give up on their dreams,
without even knowing what it is they’re dreaming?
I mean, how can Lady Gaga possibly know
where your passion will lead you?
Have these people never seen American Idol?
Year after year, thousands of aspiring American
Idols show up with great expectations,
only to learn that they don’t possess the skills
they thought they did.
What’s really amazing though, is not their
lack of talent—the world is full of people
who can’t sing? It’s their genuine shock
at being rejected—the incredible realization
that their passion and their ability had nothing
to do with each other.

Look, if we’re talking about your hobby,
by all means, let your passion lead you.

But when it comes to making a living, it’s
easy to forget the dirty truth: just because
you’re passionate about something doesn’t
mean you won’t suck at it.
And just because you’ve earned a degree
in your chosen field,
doesn't mean you’re gonna find your “dream job.”
Dream Jobs are usually just that—dreams.
But their imaginary existence just might keep
you from exploring careers that offer a legitimate
a chance to perform meaningful work and develop
a genuine passion for the job you already have.
Because here’s another Dirty Truth:
has very little to do with the work itself.
On Dirty Jobs, I remember a very successful
septic tank cleaner, a multimillionaire,
who told me the secret to his success:
“I looked around to see where everyone else
was headed,” he said, "And then
I went the opposite way. Then I got good at my work.
Then I began to prosper. And then one day,
I realized I was passionate about other people’s
crap.”

I’ve heard that same basic story from welders,
plumbers, carpenters, electricians, HVAC professionals,
hundreds of other skilled tradesmen who followed
opportunity—not passion—and prospered as a result.
Consider the reality of the current job market.
Right now, millions of people with degrees
and diplomas are out there competing for a
relatively narrow set of opportunities that
polite society calls “good careers.”
Meanwhile, employers are struggling to fill nearly 5.8
million jobs that nobody’s trained to do.
This is the skills gap, it’s real, and its cause is actually very simple:

When people follow their passion, they miss out on all
kinds of opportunities they didn’t even know existed.

When I was 16, I wanted to follow in my grandfather’s
footsteps. He was a skilled tradesman who
could build a house without a blueprint. That
was my passion, and I followed it for years.
I took all the shop classes at school, I did
all I could to absorb the knowledge and skill
that came so easily to my granddad.
Unfortunately, the handy gene is recessive.
It skipped right over me, and I struggled
mightily to overcome my deficiencies. But
I couldn’t. I was one of those contestants
on American Idol, who believed his passion
was enough to ensure his success.
One day, I brought home a sconce I had made
in wood-shop that looked like a paramecium.
After a heavy sigh, my granddad gave me the
best advice I’ve ever received.
He told me, "Mike, you can still be a tradesman, but
only if you get yourself a different kind of toolbox."
At the time, this felt contrary to everything
I believed about the importance of "passion"
and persistence and "staying the course."
But of course, he was right. Because
“staying the course” only makes sense if you’re
headed in a sensible direction.
And while passion is way too important to
be without, it is way too fickle to follow around.
Which brings us to the final Dirty Truth.
“Never follow your passion,
but always bring it with you.”
Congratulations, again - and good luck.

Source - Mike Rowe from Prager University

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